


Hokori ya Yume

by UmbraTsuki



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Mid-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraTsuki/pseuds/UmbraTsuki
Summary: SOLDIER operative Zack Fair doesn't expect to meet a boy who would have a big enough impact on his life to completely change everything. But he meets Cloud Strife.(A series depicting Zack's memories of Cloud. Mostly canon-compliant.)





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> While I'm updating this, I'll update the tags as they become relevant. This is very spoiler-heavy since it follows the canon plot! (It WILL go through to the ending of Crisis Core.)
> 
> A note on the title: 
> 
> Instead of "honor and dreams," in the Japanese version, the words are "hokori ya yume." The "ya" in particular stood out to me because it implies that those two things aren't a complete list and that there's more to it. I couldn't think of a way to depict this same type of thing in English, so I just stuck with the Japanese as a title.

| _Modeoheim_  
| _Autumn, [ ν ] – εуλ 0001_  
| _Afternoon, 1500_

Helicopter rides to mission locations were not always quiet. In fact, when Zack was involved, he usually initiated some friendly chatter, not fond of dead silence. This particular ride, to a site in Modeoheim, however, bore no extra conversation. In part, perhaps, because his mission partner was Tseng, who came off as much quieter and less approachable than, say, Angeal. There were a couple Shinra infantrymen that came to assist them as well. That aside, however, Zack also felt annoyed at being pulled away from the chance at visiting Aerith again.

That annoyance didn't quite play as large a role in his reserve, though, as did the fact that his thoughts were on other things, such as worrying over his former mentor and pondering the question of whether SOLDIERs were monsters (his answer remained a firm “no,” but he found himself turning over the possibilities time and time again regardless). Often lately, when his mind wandered, he’d find his thoughts returned to those same things, almost in a neverending cycle.

It made sense. Adjusting from having Angeal’s guidance on most missions to suddenly facing them without him, plus knowing he was out there under the whole “SOLDIERs are monsters” impression, was not easy. As much as he knew that the older SOLDIER could handle himself, Zack couldn't help but worry. Often.

Despite his thoughts, he likely would have given in and broken the silence if their ride hadn't been cut short. When the ride crashed, Zack frankly had no idea what had just happened — only that he found himself instantly face-down in the snow, the smell of smoke and burnt metal surrounding him.

Once he'd found the others and they worked out the fact that they needed to make up for lost time, as Tseng reminded them they would have reached Modeoheim already if it weren't for the crash, Zack took the lead.

“Yo! Don't fall too far behind!”

Zack called back to a very sluggish Tseng and the infantryman that accompanied him. The two were clearly not accustomed to the terrain that the group found themselves facing — a snowy, rocky mountain path. He was certain they all wished the feat of trekking on foot to their target in Modeoheim were not necessary.

Shrugging it off, Zack turned to look at the other troop, the one who kept up with his pace this whole time, despite the unexpected turn of events. He wasn't the only one who could handle the terrain.

“At least someone's keeping up!” Zack smiled as he spoke, eyes fixed on his mission companion.

“Well,” the man — or boy, rather, as he seemed quite young — replied, “I'm a country boy, too.” His voice sounded soft, not demanding of any response or attention. A bit hesitant, perhaps.

Zack’s smile widened anyway. “From where?” He slowed to a stop, as did the infantry troop, and the two faced one another.

“Nibelheim.”

The town’s name made Zack burst into laughter, and he turned away in attempt to muffle the outburst. And because he'd probably laugh more if he kept looking at the smile that had appeared on the other boy’s face.

“How about you?” His voice sounded more confident this time, or maybe even a little offended. Either way, Zack turned back to look at him again.

“Me?” He grinned, pointing a thumb at himself. “Gongaga.”

This made the boy laugh as well, and he covered his mouth before turning away, much like Zack had.

“Hey!” Zack pointed, teasing him. “What's so funny about that?” It wasn't any funnier than Nibelheim, at least. “You know Gongaga?”

The infantryman lowered his hand and looked at Zack again. His eyes were hidden under the helmet he wore, but Zack had a feeling that the smile on his face was one that reached his eyes — genuine, like this person seemed to be.

“No, but,” he paused for a moment, searching for the right words. “It's such a backwater name.”

“Ditto Nibelheim!” Zack declared before turning around again to continue up the path. He heard the boy's footsteps indicating he followed right away.

“Like you've been there!” The troop teased this time, a hint of challenge in his tone.

“I haven't,” Zack admitted, turning to face him again. “But there's a mako reactor there, right?” He knew it had been mentioned a few times, likely because he'd overheard conversations from others around the Shinra building. “A mako reactor outside Midgar usually means...”

“...nothing else out there.” The other’s voice joined his in unison, and neither could help but begin laughing immediately after. It felt as if he knew exactly what Zack was going to say, and that they just happened to be on the same wavelength. Zack was definitely a people person, but it wasn't often he got that specific kind of feeling with someone.

In high spirits, Zack turned back to face the lagging half of their mission party. “Good news, Tseng!” He called back. “Me and...” he trailed off and looked at the boy standing beside him, realizing he didn't yet know his name. He didn't have to ask to be understood.

The troop removed his helmet, revealing gentle blond spikes and bright blue eyes. A soft but eager smile stood out on his face, his whole demeanor bright and charming.

“Cloud,” was the answer.

Zack turned away before he could be caught staring.

“Me and Cloud here,” he started, “are both backwater experts!” He pumped his fists, half out of excitement and half to channel the boost of energy the whole exchange gave him. “Oh yeah!”

The both of them faced forward to continue up the path then, and when Cloud (knowing his name now, it felt so fitting, so calm, so _perfect_ ) wasn't looking, Zack may have snuck a glance or two. He wondered why a bit about why they hadn't met before, but at the same time, he didn't mind.

He felt lighter than he had in a long while, and he had a strong feeling he could get used to seeing Cloud around more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's been a while! I had all kinds of personal shit going on after the last fic I posted, so for anyone who subscribed for it, I'm sorry that I never updated that. I might finish it up sometime in the future, but I'm distancing myself from Zootopia a bit for now.
> 
> I've had the idea for this particular fic in mind for a while, and I finally decided to write it. I hope you enjoy!


	2. Aftermath

| _Modeoheim (Exit)_  
| _Autumn, [ ν ] – εуλ 0001_  
| _Evening, 1900_

The images refused to stop playing in his head. The _thing_ his mentor became, the thing he had to fight.

_“Zack.”_

The battered body, his normal body, laying still on the ground.

_“You have my thanks.”_

The rain that fell, clearing away any blood.

_“This is for you.”_

The Buster Sword being passed on, leaving his hand, his possession. His life leaving this world.

_“Protect your honor.”_

No, forced to leave. By Zack’s own hand.

_“Always.”_

He could hardly forgive himself. His cheek stung with the marks left by his former mentor, and he prayed no one would ask about the sword, ask about the scar — ask about any of it.

Waiting for a new helicopter to come gather the group took ages. Zack stood by Cloud and Tseng, both of whom had been injured during the mission. They’d already worked out attempts at cures and potions to heal what they could. Nothing too serious. Silence surrounded them. He wanted to say something, but he felt more like he wasn't really there.

At some point, he had cried. Maybe while waiting, maybe before that. He knew his eyes felt puffy, and he knew he felt like a child for the first time in years. Like a young boy again, lost and unsure. He'd last felt that early in his days with SOLDIER, and ... Angeal. Angeal had been the one who helped him past that. Always reminded him of pride and honor, of dreams he needed to keep close, of what motivated him to join in the first place. None of those things would help, now.

When the helicopter arrived, the ride began silently. Some time passed, Zack couldn't tell how much, before a couple others started talking. Who spoke, he wasn’t sure. He heard Cloud's name, Cloud's voice in response, but he couldn't process any of the words. Instead, he stared out the window, idly watching what passed by. The mountains, the scenery. The group went quiet, but eventually, Cloud spoke again.

“Zack?”

Zack braced himself with a deep breath. No time for moping, yeah? “Hey,” he looked at Cloud and mustered a smile. “Feeling better?”

Cloud was seated across from him, and he stared for a moment before responding. “I'm fine.” He shook his head, then exhaled slowly, as if he'd been holding his breath. He glanced to the side, maybe over at Tseng, before returning his gaze to Zack. “Will you be okay?”

It was difficult to respond right away. The question caught him off guard, in a sense. He didn't have a good answer. He didn't have _any_ answer. Generally, he managed to keep a positive attitude, usually stayed talkative and upbeat, but in this case...

Having hope proved difficult. Even though he knew, of course, his grief wouldn't be a permanent presence, it was strong enough in the moment that he couldn't feel much else. It was unlike him, he knew, but he could hardly bring himself to care.

The long pause made Cloud's brow furrow in worry. “Sorry,” he sighed and looked down at his hands. “I don't mean to pry, or...”

“You're not,” Zack managed to say. He crossed his arms and took another deep breath. “I'll be okay,” he finally answered. The concerned look didn't leave the other's face, so perhaps he needed to be more convincing. “Yeah. I'll...” He could feel his eyes start to burn again, and he rubbed at them with one hand, attempting to compose himself. When he stopped, he kept his hand in front of his face, resting his head on his palm. He didn't feel okay, not by any means. Deep breath again. Angeal’s face flashed in his mind. His hair grayed, the feathers spread underneath him. “Angeal, he...” Zack couldn't keep his breath from shaking, and a sob broke through.

He didn't realize when he started crying. His eyes stung after and his cheeks were wet, but he didn't know how long he cried. Realization that he did cry only hit after he stopped, however that happened. Eventually, his breathing steadied enough he could concentrate on taking deep breaths. His head rested in his hands, and he remained still.

In the background, Zack could hear the pilot radioing in to headquarters for landing. He didn't process any specifics, just knew that they'd be back to Shinra base soon.

“Zack, I know...” Cloud spoke again, his voice gentle. He'd stayed quiet until that moment — at least, as far as Zack was aware. He cleared his throat. “I know there's not much I can do. But...” Another pause. The helicopter lurched a bit as, Zack assumed, they approached a landing point. Cloud sighed. “Whatever our ranks are, that doesn't matter.” Zack started to look up, and he continued. “I mean, they do, but not for this. I just want you to know I care. For what it's worth, I'm here for you.” Cloud wasn't looking directly at Zack, instead gazing down at his hands, then looking out the window.

Zack still felt speechless. The sound of the helicopter landing and winding down filled the silence. The others started to get out, and Cloud stood in place. Zack didn't move. He'd hoped the blond would continue, and he didn't have to wait long for that to happen.

“If that's okay, I mean.” He glanced out the open door before looking back at Zack, then reaching a hand out to him as he offered a small smile. “We're friends, right?”

Friends. That was true — even if he hadn't voiced it, Zack already thought of Cloud as a friend. This boy with the pure smile and bold blue eyes, who came from a backwater town much like his own hometown. Who had him laughing just moments after they first talked. Who aspired to join the SOLDIER ranks. Of course they were friends, at the very least.

“Yeah,” Zack smiled back at him, this time not feeling like he had to force it, and took Cloud’s hand, letting him help pull him up. “Thanks, Cloud.”

Even if it was just a little bit, he started to have some hope again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am not confident with writing Cloud bc I feel like I understand Zack more?? BUT anyway like. I figured that referencing a former conversation is totally something Zack would do later on, so, y'know...
> 
> Any comments are appreciated if you have the time btw, it always means a lot!!


	3. Sickness

| _Junon_  
| _Summer, [ ν ] – εуλ 0002_  
| _Afternoon, 1600_

With the strain of the Modeoheim mission and Angeal’s passing, the following months proved particularly difficult. Eventually, Zack had been sent on a vacation to Costa Del Sol for some time away the following summer. The vacation only left him feeling restless, however, so he was more grateful than annoyed about it being cut short when Shinra needed him for a mission in Junon because Genesis copies were attacking. Specifically, his mission required him to catch Hollander, the former Shinra scientist who had been siding with Genesis. Citizens were being rounded up as well to help them stay safe during the attack. The infantrymen carried out the evacs while SOLDIERs fought off the enemy.

A few citizens were being gathered in a tunnel. Zack focused on fighting the rampant Genesis copies at first. But when he caught sight of Hollander escaping into the tunnels, he rushed over in pursuit. The pest continued getting away, however, using machines as shields to fight for him while he ran. Zack could easily have just gone around, but the risk of these things harming someone else instead was too great. Hollander, of course, was nowhere to be found once the machines were defeated.

Tseng and a couple infantrymen touched base with him, and there were quite a few others further into the tunnel who were using the shelter to recuperate or prepare for their tasks. Quite a few of them had just arrived, it seemed.

Zack took the time to check in with everyone. It was something he strived to do even back at Shinra headquarters — see how things were going with his colleagues or if they needed anything he could provide. Sometimes all they’d need is a pep talk, and Zack didn't at all mind being the person to deliver one. There were a few times he even went out and helped others with their missions. It put him at risk of getting in trouble, considering Shinra could be pretty strict with mission confidentiality, but he felt it was the right thing to do regardless.

For the most part, everyone seemed to be doing well, but he saw one infantryman hunched over and leaning against the wall. If he had taken a few moments and not jumped straight into conversation, he likely would have recognized who it was, but his mind ran a bit slower than his actions most of the time.

“Hey,” Zack approached from behind and crossed his arms, concerned about the guy. “Are you all right?”

“Y-yeah...” Zack immediately recognized the voice, and he mentally berated himself for not realizing sooner. “On the helicopter...” Cloud pushed himself off the wall and turned around. He looked terrible. “I got a little nauseous...” His voice shook a bit, and Zack could tell he was trying to steady himself.

Still chastising himself for his slow realization, Zack didn't come up with the most eloquent response. “Hey,” he said. “You're Cloud!” Really great conversationalist today.

“Wow,” the blond looked amused. Zack couldn't blame him. “You remembered me.” Cloud's voice had a hint of sarcasm to it, but he wore a small smile. They'd gone on a few other missions together and often found time to talk when they’d run into each other in the Shinra building. So the teasing had become a regular thing between the two. It was pretty easy to joke around with the boy, and things were always comfortable with him. In fact, they’d grown quite close in the passing months, doing their best to keep in touch whenever possible.

Zack played along, striking a pose with his hands on his hips for good measure. “Of course I remember!” He grinned, proud of his declaration. It seemed Cloud's face lightened up a bit, despite his stomach upset. “I'm happy to be working with you again,” he added. The boy’s presence was always some sort of relief. He’d always enjoyed their missions together, having Cloud's company like that. Though he got along with others just fine, there was no one he clicked with quite the same way as with Cloud.

“Yeah,” Cloud nodded in agreement, “although my work is a little dull.” He sounded disheartened, which made Zack’s smile falter.

“What are you talking about?” He shook his head. “Rescue work is an important task!” He knew Cloud often downplayed the importance of his own work or didn't recognize his own strengths. Zack encouraged him the best he could whenever possible, but he knew there were some things hard to get past. Zack lowered his arms to his sides. “Anyway,” he let out a small sigh. “Once we're all done, let's go grab a bite to eat.” Remembering the numerous occasions they'd joked around about the idea but never made actual plans, Zack’s smile widened again. “My treat.”

“Really?” Cloud looked skeptical, but Zack nodded. “That would be great! Once I'm feeling better, I'd love to go.” His smile appeared pained, and it faded from his face as he looked down at the ground. “But right now... Just thinking about food is making me...” He groaned and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous gesture. “I'm sorry, Zack...” Cloud looked back up at Zack, and his eyes looked pleading. He must have felt really bad.

But Zack laughed it off. “Don't worry about it.” He put a hand on Cloud’s shoulder for a moment, hoping it would help put him at ease. “Hope you feel better.”

“Thanks.” Cloud attempted a smile again when he spoke, but he had to go back to leaning against the wall for support.

“See you later.” Zack glanced back at Cloud again before heading on his way to continue the mission at hand. He’d have to make sure to check in with the boy again later... and definitely take him out for something to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO POST I've really just been a perfectionist about it and kept putting it off... Anyway, hope you enjoyed this. Chapter 4 is coming up soon as well.


	4. Chance

| _Shinra Base_  
| _Autumn, [ ν ] – εуλ 0002_  
| _Morning, 0900_

A few months past the events at Junon, at the end of which he finally met with Sephiroth again after months of no contact (during which he’d almost begun to _worry_ about the elite SOLDIER), Zack got an assignment to join the general for their next mission. Sephiroth had something specific planned that he hadn't yet shared, and by the way Kunsel talked about the whole thing, it sounded urgent.

Zack rounded a corner of the hallway and saw an infantry troop standing there looking rather distraught. Instead of taking a moment to see who it was, Zack spoke right away, feeling particularly rushed in hopes that he wouldn't keep Sephiroth waiting.

“What's up?” He asked. Once again, his mind wasn't really focused on the present conversation and happenings, instead occupied with wonderings about their next mission, what exactly they’d be doing, where they were going, how long that would take, who he’d be going with—

“I'm having a little trouble,” came the familiar voice in response to his question. “... rounding up the group...”

“We're in a hurry.” Zack was all business, for the moment, assuming Sephiroth had something important lined up. He didn't really look at the person he was speaking to. “Let's move it!”

The infantryman jolted to attention. “Sir!”

That was when Zack finally came to his senses and realized who it was standing right in front of him. That tone of formality didn't match the voice. Not at all. “Wha—” he pointed, taken aback for a moment. “Cloud?” His statement came out resembling more of a question than a realization, and Zack internally reprimanded himself, once again, for his inconvenient ability to blank on recognizing even the people most important to him. The two had gone out quite a few times together after their first outing, back after the Junon mission, and he could hardly think of the boy as only a friend, by this point. Which meant he _really_ needed to work on his recognition skills. “Together again, huh?” He grinned at the blond, immediately put in a much better mood just knowing they’d get to work together. “All right!” The two of them touched arms in a sort of non-handshake-handshake thing they'd picked up on doing recently. The formality of salutes or actual handshakes seemed unnecessary. Considering how intimate their relationship had become, they figured they'd come up with something fun. More casual. It suited them more.

“Thanks,” Cloud replied, his smile lighting up his face (and possibly the entire room). It always made them both genuinely happy when they got assigned missions together. Otherwise they were always scrambling to find time together at odd hours in between missions. “Hold on,” he added, “I'll get everyone.”

Zack watched as the blond ran off in the direction of the other troops, who were likely scattered around the hallways and chattering about. Cloud didn't seem to partake in that with the others quite as much, but he always has seemed more than happy to chat with Zack himself. That brought another smile to Zack’s face. He personally really admired the guy. Cloud was always striving to improve, to be stronger, to do the best he could for their missions. Even if he wasn't officially in SOLDIER — he certainly had that sense of honor that Angeal was always asserting the importance of.

Work aside, he was also pleasant to be around. Zack knew he could have a good time with him, and that he didn't have to be all business-focused when the two of them were together. It was almost like his relationship with his late mentor had been, but closer. He couldn't help but be fond of him, and they were always striving to be together.

Cloud successfully rounded up the others in their group, and when they suddenly jumped to attention, Zack turned to see Sephiroth approaching. The general always had an air of intimidation about him, but not necessarily from his attitude. He was _powerful_ , one of the top SOLDIERs, even among the rest of the current and former First Class members, and his gaze always seemed... calculating. Like he was always analyzing every detail of their surroundings, of every word spoken, of every person he encountered. Even Zack had to admit that could scare him sometimes, but he knew the guy had this softer, kinder side to him, beyond any initial impression. He’d seen it many times, when the general had helped him out.

“By the way,” Zack approached Sephiroth, coming up to stand at his side. “Where are we going?” He had many questions beyond that, but he figured getting the location wasn't a bad start.

The general waited a moment before he turned to face Zack. “To Nibelheim.” 

Zack could see Cloud do a double take, and he had to mentally repeat Sephiroth’s answer himself. Nibelheim. What were the chances? He wondered for a moment if this planning was deliberate on Sephiroth’s part, but he brushed it off.

“We'll be investigating the reactor there,” Sephiroth continued, turning slightly to speak to the whole group. “We _should_ have departed by now,” he paused again, and the way he managed to instill fear when speaking so calmly was stunning. “However, we've been allotted plenty of time for this. Two weeks for our operation there.” He turned away then, beginning to lead the way, presumably toward where their transportation awaited them. “Our exact course of action will be determined once we're there.”

“All right!” Zack pumped one of his fists in excitement, then looked over at Cloud and grinned. “You ready for this?”

“Y-yeah,” Cloud hesitated, but he nodded. He seemed put off a bit, but Zack had no idea why. For whatever reason, the two of them didn't talk a whole lot about Nibelheim, or their hometowns in general.

Zack slapped his back in a gesture of encouragement. “We've got this!” He looked at the others, too, but mostly his words were meant for Cloud. “Whatever happens, y’know? Remember your honor. Even if you're not SOLDIER, you have it in you, too.” He put his hands on his hips. “And don't be intimidated by Sephiroth... I'll sit him down for a talk if he messes with you!” He winked for good measure, hoping to keep the mood light — unlike the sullen tone the general always took.

And it worked. At least for the most part. Cloud smiled, and the other troops chuckled a bit. But the blond trailed behind the group as they walked, and Zack could tell he still felt hesitant.

“Hey,” Zack put his arm around Cloud’s shoulders and squeezed for a moment. “You'll be fine. I promise.”

Nothing was going to get in their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for uploading these slowly! But I hope you enjoy!


End file.
